Muffy J. Davis

Body Image Advocate

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Loowit Trail Day 3: Burgerville

July 30, 2020

I wake up on my soft moss bed and I’ve slept incredibly. I smile through my oatmeal. I smile through my tooth brushing. I smile through the cat hole I dig. I smile through the shit that I take.


My face hurts from smiling. I haven’t laughed as much as I laughed last night in a really long time. It is good to remember what it’s like to exist.


Sug and Liza have slept terribly, but they’re in good spirits none the less. Nestled between the small firs and the hemlocks, we make a plan. We’re going to finish today, none of us have enough food to drag it out like we thought we might. We think the terrain might be easy for some reason, though we have no information to corroborate the claim. We gather three liters of water each, as we’re pretty sure conditions will be fairly dry. We’re out and hiking by 7:51 AM, late for me normally, but definitely early for this crew. It feels good to let myself take it slow.


Right away we climb. We climb through lush forest for many miles and I marvel at the capacity of my LUNGS. last year I hiked so many miles with such deep anemia and I still liked it, but god damn is hiking incredible when you can fucking BREATHE.


The forest opens up and we are presented with a loss of the trail and great lava fields of boulders small, medium, large and gigantic. Single file, we hop from rock to rock and lose one another, each taking a different path to the cairns that link us up. The rock is slow going and arduous, and interspersed with narrow ridge walks, where the trail briefly reappears. We are crawling. It is tedious and very, very exposed.


I drink water, but I’m rationing because we’re never quite clear when our next water source will be. I reapply sunscreen and it does nothing, I am toasted and sizzling. I listen to This American Life, the episode is about the Covid ward in a hospital in Michigan. I try not to cry because I need my hydration. I cry a little bit anyway. I think about my life and for some reason Covid makes all circumstances feel worse.


Sug is somewhere ahead and Liza is somewhere behind. While thinking about my heart and my yearning, I’ve stopped finding cairns and the rocks I am traversing are huge and very very high up. I keep thinking I’ll find the trail just around the bend and climbing higher in search of it. Eventually I find a sheer sheet of cliff rock, and the boulder I’m standing on lurches just a little bit. I am definitely not on the trail.


I backtrack, hoping to see Liza and when I do she’s very far in the distance. I call her name, and remarkably, she hears me. She points her pole in the actual direction of the trail, which is the opposite way that I’m going. I pantomime ask her to wait and she says she will. As quickly as I can, I scramble away from the sheer death wall and soon I am safe with my buddy.


A little real life danger keeps things spicy and instead of wilting in the sun, I am now deeply enthused and excited.


We walk the last mile to June lake, where we find Sug. We’re all roasted red, overheated, underfed, and very thirsty. We lay there making jokes, I gather a liter from the lake and pour it down my shirt. We decide to go to Burgerville as soon as we get to the truck, Sug says she looked it up and they’re open ‘til ten.

Together, we walk one last forest mile to Big Nasty, and when we get to Burgerville I order a veggie burger, a large waffle fries, a salad, and a vegan milkshake. I eat all of this in record speed, and still I am hungry, but happy nonetheless.

📍The Loowit Trail is on Yakama land. I am a grateful guest.

Loowit Trail Day 2: Down to Clown

July 30, 2020

I wake up at two AM to pee and the stars knock the wind out of me. There’s never been anything so beautiful, except of course there has, but I can’t think of what just now. The mountain glows majestic and we are the disciples at the base. We love you mountain. We would do […]

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Loowit trail Day 1: In which staying alive truly feels like the best option

July 17, 2020

I wake up in my bed in Portland, Oregon and Liza is camping in my back yard. She is unplugging her phone from the external outlet and my dog Mabel is going crazy with the barking as a result. Today we are going to hike. It’s mid July now, it’s been grey and rainy all […]

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A lineage of rage and grief

June 8, 2020

Hi. I have a newsletter now, for writing unrelated to hiking. You can sign up to read more by clicking the button at the end of the post if you want! I send one out once every 1-2 weeks and below is an example of the writing. CW: drugs, blood, attempted suicide, domestic violence, grief […]

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In which I am delighted to be a person amongst people: SDTCT Day 2

February 17, 2020

We wake up at six AM and visit the privy one by one. Hadley reveals that they use empty oatmeal packets as toilet paper, and have you ever heard anything more brilliant than that? I honestly think I have not. It’s Valentine’s Day, and I pledge by body to the Anza Borrego desert as penance. […]

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The sun melts yellow over red rock

April 10, 2019

Day 0 I’ve felt sick for a week now. This morning, I make peanut butter and jelly toast and I gag while I spread the peanut butter across the bread, walk toward the toilet to heave but before I get there, I stop so I turn around. I’ve been vibrating on this nauseous anxious frequency, […]

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The sun melts yellow over red rock

April 10, 2019

Day 0 I’ve felt sick for a week now. This morning, I make peanut butter and jelly toast and I gag while I spread the peanut butter across the bread, walk toward the toilet to heave but before I get there, I stop so I turn around. I’ve been vibrating on this nauseous anxious frequency, […]

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Ink In Water

This is my memoir about eating disorder recovery. You should 100% definitely read it.

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